I'm good enough, smart enough and dog gone it, JESUS loves me!

If you're struggling with self-confidence, have a low self-esteem, or just feel bogged down that you don't have a place in this world and that no ones wants you... well the bad news is that you probably feel this way because you are looking for approval in all the wrong places.  Jesus died for us.  God, the god who create the blue sky, the atmosphere and the ozone layer that allows us to breath fresh air, the stars in the sky, the planets and galaxies light years away, each bright green blade of grass, the cool breeze, the warm sand, the towering mountains, this God believes in you and thinks you are his PRIZE creation.  He took extra care in designing you to be just the way you are.  Psalm 139 says:


¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.

God, the FATHER, the CREATOR, the LORD of the ALL CREATION, thinks you and I are someone worth dying for.  That means we're pretty Special.  

I'm gonna let it SHINE!

Addison Road is a fairly new contemporary Christian Band, but they have some amazing songs, with some great lyrics.  I've liked this song from the first time I heard it.

Here are the lyrics:

There's a little flame inside us all
Some shine bright
Some shine small
The rains will come
And the waters rise
But don't you ever lose your light


In this life you will know
Love and pain
Joy and sorrow
So when it hurts
When times get hard
Don't forget whose child you are


This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine


May you live each day
With no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide
When you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart


With the ones you love-
Treasure the time
And for those who are gone
Keep the memories alive

Hold on to your dreams
Don't you ever let go
There's a fire inside you
Burning with hope

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

There will be days when you wanna give up
When the clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don't you ever forget
Don't forget
Don't, don't forget


One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face
So until then I'm gonna try
To brave the dark


And let my little light shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine


Oh, shine


Gonna let it shine


There's a little light inside us all
 
I spent a lot of time in my late teens and 20's trying to find someone, something, some accomplishment, some goal, to light the flame inside me.  It wasn't until I realized that God is the only one that can light my candle and fan the flame that I truly started to shine.  We all come into this world as candles with no flames.  God carries the flame and we have to ask him to light it for us. 
 
I find myself letting my light shine when life is good, when things are going great, when I have confidence, and I know God is blessing me. 
 
But then there are times when life is tough, when people are angry, rude, selfish, mean, when I am angry, rude, selfish, and mean, but I have to remember that there is a light inside of me and it's my CHOICE as to whether or not I want to cover it up or let it shine. 
 
It's easier to see a candle's light in the darkness than it is in the light of day, if we choose to let our candle shine, even when things aren't going how we want them to, other people are going to take notice. 

Prayer

I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won't You meet
Won't You meet me
I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won't You come inside
Won't You come inside, God
Come and fill this heart of mine
I'm in need of You
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need You
I need You

I often struggle to find the words to pray as I don’t feel like anything I can say can truly put into words what I need. Somehow though, I come across songs that seem to connect perfectly with what I am feeling or with what I want to say.

This song is one of those… Everytime I hear it, I can’t help but lift my arms in the air and give God my heart. It’s like he’s pulling the pain of sin out of my heart and replacing it with his Love and his spirit. It puts me in such a pure place of worship, that nothing can distract me, nothing can separate me from talking to God at that moment.

Before I had a relationship with Jesus, I didn’t know what love was… I didn’t know what it could feel like, but now, I can’t imagine living a life disconnected from him.

Waiting

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

When nothing seems to be happening, when I don’t have plans, when I don’t have commitments, I get caught up in thinking that God isn’t answering my prayers. I tell him I am ready to make a move in HIS name, I am ready to do BIG things in his name. I have the time now Lord, why aren’t you showing me where you want me to go, what you want me to do? Why are you silent? Where are you!? Hello? God? Just give me something! Often, the only thing I accomplish is hours spent worrying, wondering, what is going on, what can I do? This song lays it out. We all crave action, we crave quick answers and results, we crave chaos. When we lose patience and try to do things on our own, God leads us into the desert, just as he led the Israelites into the desert, so that we learn to worship, trust him, and serve him in every situation. He wants us to be patient. Commitment and faith is serving, loving, sacrificing, even when we aren’t getting anything in return. That is what he wants from us. We are not guaranteed anything here on this earth. As long as we accept his gift of salvation and forgiveness we ARE guaranteed an eternity with him in Heaven.

Today I pray that I can serve, that I can worship, that I can be content and excited to be waiting for God's perfect timing and his plan.

Healing Begins

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

I love how God speaks to me through music and how he uses some extremely talented musicians to teach and to introduce himself to people.

This song is one that really struck a chord with me today. I feel like I move through the world and the “stuff” that I encounter daily causes me to be filled with pride, selfishness, anger, hatred, laziness, and indifference. Despite how much I try to remain positive, and hopeful, I feel that negativity, the schemes of Satan sticking to me. It’s almost like I am walking through streets full of wet tar and every step I take I collect more and more gunk and it gets heavier and heavier. At the same time, I am embarrassed by the crud that has collected in my heart and my pride causes me to build up walls to make my life look “clean” and shiny. Before long the walls I have built up are so big that the only way to truly CLEAN my life is for me to let GOD lead my heart and to let GOD clean me from the inside out. God’s spirit is telling me the whole time that I need to change, that I need to confess, that I need to accept forgiveness. But pride can be a stubborn obstacle. Because we become so blind to God’s truth, grace, mercy and forgiveness it often takes something BIG to shatter the walls and to get our attention. God breaks us, he allows us to experience pain and suffering so that we run out of ideas and strategies to alleviate the suffering on our own.

In Every Man, God’s Man Steve Arturburn says, “God knows all our moves, and HIS desire to pin us down comes out of HIS great desire to get close to us, not destroy us or gain some sort of victory. When God can’t get through to us by our conscience, he sometimes uses crises in our lives, our close relationships, our business ventures, our careers, our health, and our families to bring us to a place nothing else could. A desperate place… He knows most men will not change until the pain of their circumstance exceeds the pain of change.”

In this song, I love the verse:

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

The thought that SPARKS FLY as God tries to change us on the inside, as HE wages the battle with darkness is AWESOME! Change can be violent, it isn’t always pretty. God doesn’t wave his wand over us and we are fixed. SPARKS FLY. Keep in mind, even this type of change can’t happen if we don’t first believe that Jesus died and bled on the cross for me. He saved me from my sin and his blood washes all that tar, all that gunk away.

So I am a sinner, God will cleanse me of my sins, but many times before we are willing to let that happen, God gets our attention through pain. This is where my prayer today comes from. God right now is trying to get my attention. He is allowing me to experience the pain of a broken heart in VERY small doses. He is warning me that I need to give my life 100% to him. My prayer is that he makes this change in my heart and that I take notice before he has to resort to more dramatic measures to get my attention.

Hebrews 12:11 (NLT) says “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening- it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”

Wide Open Spaces!

Well, we drove all day and much of the evening, but we finally got back to St. Louis from Dubois, Wyoming. Overall, the trip back took about 18 hours. In total we put almost 3000 miles on my brand new Honda Accord. What was I thinking really?! It had 400 miles before the trip. It's ok... we broke it in and the gas mileage improved on the way home. Just a lot of bugs to clean off the front end.

My girlfriend, Angie, myself and my roommates girlfriend Ami all packed into the car to head out. Before I start, the main purpose of the trip was to visit my roommate, Brad, who is working in Wyoming this summer at a camp for at-risk youth.

Overall, the trip was amazing. I was really looking forward to it because my family and I took a similar trip probably close to 22 years ago when I was 7 or so. Our agenda this time had us drive through South Dakota where we stopped and camped one night at the Badlands National Park. It was beautiful. The first evening in the park, we went on a 5 or 6 mile hike through some of the grassy backcountry. Within the first mile, we came across a sign warning of rattlesnakes. I love to camp and see signs all the time warning of specific wildlife. When my dad and I were in Alaska, we saw warnings to keep a lookout for Bears and didn't see a single one. So I figured we wouldn't see any snakes. Well, we were climbing down one of the mountains and I went to step on a rock when I notice it is occupied by a snake and quickly maneuver in mid air to avoid stepping on it. After I land, I turn around and realize it has a fat diamond shaped head and the markings of a rattlesnake. Confused because it didn't warn us of it's presence I moved back for a closer look. Sure enough it was a rattlesnake, but he still didn't rattle. .
So I felt comfortable and took out my camera... as I was pushing the button to take the picture he start to shake his tail and turn toward me. I immediately take off. Here is the picture I got off just before. So after the Badlands we drive west to Mount Rushmore. This was a complete disappointment. We could have taken our pictures from the road outside the park and avoided paying the 10.00 entrance fee. All there really is to do here is take picture. Next we drove on to Buffalo, WY to our next campsite. I had intended to visit Devils Tower on the way, but we were anxious to get to our next campsite. Buffalo, is just outside Big Horn Mountains National Forest. This was probably my favorite stop on the trip, other than getting to visit Brad. The Big Horn Mountains were big, majestic, covered in wild flowers, bald mountain tops and wide open fields. The biggest praise was the it was virtually dead quiet with few tourists. We took two hikes and didn't see a single person on either hike. Here are a few pics.

Next we drove west out of the Big Horn Mountains and then south through Wind River Gorge. The girls laughed at me because as we decended into the gorge I noticed the river flowed the opposite direction. We were going down, down, down, and the gorge appeared to be going down with us, yet the river APPEARED to be flowing up hill. I guess it was funny because I had such a hard time wrapping my mind around this optical illusion. Finally, we arrived in Dubois, Wyoming and met up with Brad. We quickly exchanged hugs and greetings and then loaded up and drove another 2 hours west to Jackson, Wyoming and the Grand Teton National Park. Brad knew about a little used Forest Service Camping area, that was free of charge and provided the best views of the Tetons. We took his car because the one catch is that the roads are all dirt roads and 4 wheel drive is required. Once to the site though, our jaws dropped at the view. Buffalo, elk, and antelope roamed the fields around our site. It was pretty amazing! Here is the dirt road to get to our site. The next day we met up with some other friends from our church in STL who now live in Montana. They met up with us for a hike in the Grand Teton National Park. The hike was easy, but we walked through fields and fields of wild flowers up to your waist. It was beautiful. We then hopped in the car and headed back toward Dubois, WY. Here we spent time just visiting with Brad's coworkers, chatting around a campfire and admiring the amazing views of the Absorka Mountains. On Sunday, Brad and Ami, and Angie and I did our own things. Angie and I took the advice of one of Brad's best friends and did a 5 mile hike to Lake Louise. Just like everything else, the hike was beautiful with waterfalls, rushing rivers, wide open views of valleys and mountains and of course the crystal clear alpine lake at the end.

Then of course the next day, we hopped in the car and drove back to STL. I was amazed at how remote, vast, open, unoccupied, and desolate Wyoming was. I don't remember it being that way. Most of the trip was through rolling desert mountains covered in shrubby tumbleweed. But it was beautiful, and it was big, and it was empty. I loved it. I wanted to take a horse and ride off into the horizon to explore and to live like the pioneers of old. Talking to Brad's friend Jeremy who has now lived in the area for over 4 years is inspiring. He lives a simple life in beautiful land. He works for the camp during the year and then fills in at a gear store when he isn't at the camp. He hikes, skis, snowshoes, camps, hunts, gardens during his freetime. He leaves his doors unlocked all the time and knows everyone in town. His dogs head off to explore the town during the day but always return home. He talks about how you can just head off over the mountains to go hunting or hiking or camping. No permission is needed, the land isn't privately owned. It looks and sounds extremely appealing at times, but I imagine it is vary lonely too. If my family and friends all wanted to pack up and move, I might consider it, but in the end, I just really enjoyed knowing it is still there for me to visit and to dream about. Wyoming is a state with a Big Sky, Big Views, and Big Adventures.

Here are some more artistic pics I took:

New Pictures!