Healing Begins

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

I love how God speaks to me through music and how he uses some extremely talented musicians to teach and to introduce himself to people.

This song is one that really struck a chord with me today. I feel like I move through the world and the “stuff” that I encounter daily causes me to be filled with pride, selfishness, anger, hatred, laziness, and indifference. Despite how much I try to remain positive, and hopeful, I feel that negativity, the schemes of Satan sticking to me. It’s almost like I am walking through streets full of wet tar and every step I take I collect more and more gunk and it gets heavier and heavier. At the same time, I am embarrassed by the crud that has collected in my heart and my pride causes me to build up walls to make my life look “clean” and shiny. Before long the walls I have built up are so big that the only way to truly CLEAN my life is for me to let GOD lead my heart and to let GOD clean me from the inside out. God’s spirit is telling me the whole time that I need to change, that I need to confess, that I need to accept forgiveness. But pride can be a stubborn obstacle. Because we become so blind to God’s truth, grace, mercy and forgiveness it often takes something BIG to shatter the walls and to get our attention. God breaks us, he allows us to experience pain and suffering so that we run out of ideas and strategies to alleviate the suffering on our own.

In Every Man, God’s Man Steve Arturburn says, “God knows all our moves, and HIS desire to pin us down comes out of HIS great desire to get close to us, not destroy us or gain some sort of victory. When God can’t get through to us by our conscience, he sometimes uses crises in our lives, our close relationships, our business ventures, our careers, our health, and our families to bring us to a place nothing else could. A desperate place… He knows most men will not change until the pain of their circumstance exceeds the pain of change.”

In this song, I love the verse:

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

The thought that SPARKS FLY as God tries to change us on the inside, as HE wages the battle with darkness is AWESOME! Change can be violent, it isn’t always pretty. God doesn’t wave his wand over us and we are fixed. SPARKS FLY. Keep in mind, even this type of change can’t happen if we don’t first believe that Jesus died and bled on the cross for me. He saved me from my sin and his blood washes all that tar, all that gunk away.

So I am a sinner, God will cleanse me of my sins, but many times before we are willing to let that happen, God gets our attention through pain. This is where my prayer today comes from. God right now is trying to get my attention. He is allowing me to experience the pain of a broken heart in VERY small doses. He is warning me that I need to give my life 100% to him. My prayer is that he makes this change in my heart and that I take notice before he has to resort to more dramatic measures to get my attention.

Hebrews 12:11 (NLT) says “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening- it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”

Wide Open Spaces!

Well, we drove all day and much of the evening, but we finally got back to St. Louis from Dubois, Wyoming. Overall, the trip back took about 18 hours. In total we put almost 3000 miles on my brand new Honda Accord. What was I thinking really?! It had 400 miles before the trip. It's ok... we broke it in and the gas mileage improved on the way home. Just a lot of bugs to clean off the front end.

My girlfriend, Angie, myself and my roommates girlfriend Ami all packed into the car to head out. Before I start, the main purpose of the trip was to visit my roommate, Brad, who is working in Wyoming this summer at a camp for at-risk youth.

Overall, the trip was amazing. I was really looking forward to it because my family and I took a similar trip probably close to 22 years ago when I was 7 or so. Our agenda this time had us drive through South Dakota where we stopped and camped one night at the Badlands National Park. It was beautiful. The first evening in the park, we went on a 5 or 6 mile hike through some of the grassy backcountry. Within the first mile, we came across a sign warning of rattlesnakes. I love to camp and see signs all the time warning of specific wildlife. When my dad and I were in Alaska, we saw warnings to keep a lookout for Bears and didn't see a single one. So I figured we wouldn't see any snakes. Well, we were climbing down one of the mountains and I went to step on a rock when I notice it is occupied by a snake and quickly maneuver in mid air to avoid stepping on it. After I land, I turn around and realize it has a fat diamond shaped head and the markings of a rattlesnake. Confused because it didn't warn us of it's presence I moved back for a closer look. Sure enough it was a rattlesnake, but he still didn't rattle. .
So I felt comfortable and took out my camera... as I was pushing the button to take the picture he start to shake his tail and turn toward me. I immediately take off. Here is the picture I got off just before. So after the Badlands we drive west to Mount Rushmore. This was a complete disappointment. We could have taken our pictures from the road outside the park and avoided paying the 10.00 entrance fee. All there really is to do here is take picture. Next we drove on to Buffalo, WY to our next campsite. I had intended to visit Devils Tower on the way, but we were anxious to get to our next campsite. Buffalo, is just outside Big Horn Mountains National Forest. This was probably my favorite stop on the trip, other than getting to visit Brad. The Big Horn Mountains were big, majestic, covered in wild flowers, bald mountain tops and wide open fields. The biggest praise was the it was virtually dead quiet with few tourists. We took two hikes and didn't see a single person on either hike. Here are a few pics.

Next we drove west out of the Big Horn Mountains and then south through Wind River Gorge. The girls laughed at me because as we decended into the gorge I noticed the river flowed the opposite direction. We were going down, down, down, and the gorge appeared to be going down with us, yet the river APPEARED to be flowing up hill. I guess it was funny because I had such a hard time wrapping my mind around this optical illusion. Finally, we arrived in Dubois, Wyoming and met up with Brad. We quickly exchanged hugs and greetings and then loaded up and drove another 2 hours west to Jackson, Wyoming and the Grand Teton National Park. Brad knew about a little used Forest Service Camping area, that was free of charge and provided the best views of the Tetons. We took his car because the one catch is that the roads are all dirt roads and 4 wheel drive is required. Once to the site though, our jaws dropped at the view. Buffalo, elk, and antelope roamed the fields around our site. It was pretty amazing! Here is the dirt road to get to our site. The next day we met up with some other friends from our church in STL who now live in Montana. They met up with us for a hike in the Grand Teton National Park. The hike was easy, but we walked through fields and fields of wild flowers up to your waist. It was beautiful. We then hopped in the car and headed back toward Dubois, WY. Here we spent time just visiting with Brad's coworkers, chatting around a campfire and admiring the amazing views of the Absorka Mountains. On Sunday, Brad and Ami, and Angie and I did our own things. Angie and I took the advice of one of Brad's best friends and did a 5 mile hike to Lake Louise. Just like everything else, the hike was beautiful with waterfalls, rushing rivers, wide open views of valleys and mountains and of course the crystal clear alpine lake at the end.

Then of course the next day, we hopped in the car and drove back to STL. I was amazed at how remote, vast, open, unoccupied, and desolate Wyoming was. I don't remember it being that way. Most of the trip was through rolling desert mountains covered in shrubby tumbleweed. But it was beautiful, and it was big, and it was empty. I loved it. I wanted to take a horse and ride off into the horizon to explore and to live like the pioneers of old. Talking to Brad's friend Jeremy who has now lived in the area for over 4 years is inspiring. He lives a simple life in beautiful land. He works for the camp during the year and then fills in at a gear store when he isn't at the camp. He hikes, skis, snowshoes, camps, hunts, gardens during his freetime. He leaves his doors unlocked all the time and knows everyone in town. His dogs head off to explore the town during the day but always return home. He talks about how you can just head off over the mountains to go hunting or hiking or camping. No permission is needed, the land isn't privately owned. It looks and sounds extremely appealing at times, but I imagine it is vary lonely too. If my family and friends all wanted to pack up and move, I might consider it, but in the end, I just really enjoyed knowing it is still there for me to visit and to dream about. Wyoming is a state with a Big Sky, Big Views, and Big Adventures.

Here are some more artistic pics I took:

New Pictures!

Two months!????

It's really been two months since I posted last? Not sure if anyone still checks back here with my lack of production, but I will update everyone of what's going on. I finish my school year at work. It was a great year! I learned a ton working with Louis, a 4th grade autistic student. I am going to miss him and pray that he gets a good aid for next year. His new classroom is not going to be a good fit for him next year.

I finish my 2nd semester of grad school and started my 3rd. I am taking 15 hours of classes over the summer. During the month of June I will be in class on Mondays from 9am-10pm, Tues 9am-4pm, Wed 9am-8pm, and Thurs 9am-4pm. It's going to be a stressful month, but I can do it. I'm not working this summer so I wanted to take as many classes as possible. This schedule should allow me to finish my classes by next spring and then do my internship over the summer.

As I said, I'm not working this summer, but will be trying to find odd jobs to help pay for gas money and food. If you need anything done, let me know! I just finished staining a pretty large deck for a friend.

Angie and I got back together the last week of April and so far things have been going great! We went to Kansas City Memorial Day weekend to visit her parents who just moved there from STL.

Other than classes my summer plans are pretty much up in the air. My roommate is working in Wyoming this summer at a wilderness camp for at risk youth. Angie, myself and his girlfriend plan to take a trip out there in July. I would like to do some hiking and canoeing/kayaking around here this summer if time and money are available. I'm also looking forward to trips to visit my parents and my sister and her family this summer.

Well, I hope all is going well with you. Here is a pic of Angie and I from our trip to KC.

Smoky Mountain High!

I know, I know... the title of the song is really Rocky Mountain High, but with what God blessed us with this past weekend, I had to change the title.

For those of you that don't know, the weather in the last few weeks has left a lot to be desired. Monday and Tuesday before we left, the saint louis area and the midwest got about 8 inches of rain in a 36 hour period. Looking at the forecast they were calling for snow on the Sunday of our return. But God worked his miracle and on Thursday-Saturday, the weather broke for amazing weather for our trip. It was a sunny and warm drive, we had clear blue skies with highs near 70 both Friday and Saturday. When we got home on Sunday evening, we drove in a blizzard. We had prayed for amazing weather and God delivered.

With that said, here is a run down of our trip.

Angie, Cathy, Brad and I left Saint Louis Thursday morning at 7am. We were all excited.


We arrived at our cabin... it was called "Awesome Views". I would say it's name is fitting.



We met up with our friends James and Amber who now live in Atlanta. The next day we went on a pretty intense hike up the Chimney Top Trail. Here is a group picture of us on our way up.



The next day we drove up to the Newfound Gap. This is where the Tennessee Mountains meet the North Carolina Mountains.



The next day we packed a picnic lunch and went rock hopping in one of the rivers in Smoky Mountain National Park



Overall the trip couldn't have been any better!

Walking in Memphis

This past weekend, I FINALLY had the chance to go see my sister and her growing family in Memphis. I hadn't been down since Thanksgiving. When you have a 4 year old and a 14 month old nephew, 3 months is an eternity. During those 3 months my sister also had her 3rd child, Leah Grace (Love) Johnson. The Love was given to her by Noah. When you would ask him the babies name, he would say, Leah Grace Love Johnson. He says Love is in there because he loves her. Leah is a beautiful baby and I am sure she will as big a blessing to my sister and her husband as the two boys have been.

I had a great weekend. Not only were my nephews happy, fun, and running all over the place, but the weather was amazing! I love visiting and really hope that someday the move closer to the Saint Louis area so I can see them more.

I don't know how my sister and her husband have the energy to keep up with Noah and Elijah.

So Saturday and Sunday the temps were in the mid 70's. Monday night in Saint Louis we get sleet, freezing rain and on Tuesday 7 inches of snow. Yet another snow day. It was the hardest I have seen it snow in my life. I am ready for spring. At least this weekend is daylight savings time. That puts spring right around the corner!

Monday night I started my small group with a group of about 6 guys. It's all about being and doing manly things, oh and also about the secrets that men keep. The first day went really well and I am looking forward to getting to know the guys better.

Finally, before I show off some new photos, I want to ask prayers for a friend of mine from college. He has had some pain in his groin area and after going to the doctor, he is going in for a biopsy in a week or so. Please pray that it's not Cancer.

Here are a few new photos, they weren't really planned, so they aren't great, but I love to photo that amazing artwork that God paints daily.

I can't think of anything!!!

I haven't blogged in a while. It's not because i haven't wanted to... it's just that I don't have any good pics to post or any profound words of wisdom :) That and nothing too exciting has happened in the past month. My sister called me out to post the following survey, I guess I will get started with that. Oh and for everyone out there, please pray for Kirkwood, MO. I go to church about 1/2 mile from where the brutal slayings took place in Kwood city hall last week and the town is in mourning. It's a great town that defines the word community.

Two names you go by… Andy and Fleck


Two things you are wearing right now… Nike Shox and an SIU hoody.

Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship… trust and respect (can't really beat those answers Abbie)


Two of your favorite things to do… Hike and take pictures

Two things you want very badly at the moment… to be done with school and to see my new niece and my nephews :).

Two pets you have or have had… Pucker and Hamburger :)


Two things that you did last night… trivia night for Boys Hope Girls Hope and watched the last episode of 24 season 3.


Two people you think will fill this out...Ehh... don't think anyone really reads this except my sister and mom.

Two things you ate today… Chicken and dumplings and St. Louis Bread Co.

Two people you last talked to… Brad and Mike C.


Two things you’re doing tomorrow… Work and hopefully waking up to workout in the morning!

Two longest car rides… South Dakota and Coming home from the SIU/NIU football game.


Two favorite holidays… Christmas and Thanksgiving

Two favorite beverages… Coke and Gatorade


Two people no longer alive who you’d like to talk to… Jesus and Paul.